Living in my world-
Comfort on difficult days,
smiles when sadness intrudes,
rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss the lips,
sunsets to warm the heart,
hugs when spirits sag,
beauty for the eyes to see, friendships to brighten the days , faith so that we can believe, confidence for when in doubt,
courage to know oneself,
patience to accept the truth and...
Love to complete my life.
I have watched reruns of the current American Idol auditions over and over again. I know its too early to predict who would be in the top twenty but there are some that really 'stand out' amongs the others.
Somehow even when they don't make it here, I'm pretty sure their future (as far as their singing careers are concerned) would be taken care of . Especially for those who got good comments from the panel of judges.
The eligible age was also dropped to fifteen this year thus opening the golden door to some incredible talented fifteen year olds.
I like this fifteen year old by far. She has got all the 'wow' factors in her.
I'm pretty sure Steven Tyler meant her when he said at the end of the show that 'they might just found the one'
These three are the ones that caught my eyes and importantly made an impression to me ...so far .
No doubt there's always a sob story behind each one on why they want to be the next idol but... hey... there's no rule stating you can't have that.
The only rule that needs to apply here would be they must have tremendous talent to back them up .
Auditions shows, as far as here in my country is concerned is not over yet...so..
I'll still be looking for that winner if I don't already found one here.
I was going through recent American Idol hopefuls over youtube and couldn't overlook the past nine years winners at their first auditions.
I have added the few personal choices of mine that didn't become ..BUT should have become American Idol.
AMERICAN IDOL SEASON 1
I don't really remember much about this first Idol - Kelly Clarkson from the show but I did watch her at the
finale with my mom.
Now she for one watched the whole show and had indeed picked Kelly as her Idol.
AMERICAN IDOL SEASON 2
Now this idol Ruben Studderd ..other than he's a big black man with 'nice' voice, I really don't know much
about.
It seems I have totally missed out this season show.
I later on found out that American should have voted for Clay Aiken as their winner judging from the huge 'after Idol' success he became..
AMERICAN IDOL SEASON 3
One of my top pick of the top twenty though not my final pick to win. I had wanted Latoya London or Jennifer Hudson as the eventual winner. Fantasia Barrino has a very high and shap kind of 'squeky' voice that I sometime find 'painful' to listen to.
Jennifer is the one who's doing much success after Idol.
She didn't get the title but she won an academy award instead for her acting debut on Dreamgirls.
AMERICAN IDOL SEASON 4
This season was the one that I watched from the start till the end. American got this one right that time when in the final was a choice of either Carrie Underwood or Bo Bice.
Both of which I had picked as potential winners so the result didn't really make much difference.
Carrie no doubt is a clear Idol now with five Grammy awards, sold more than 11 million albums and has notched eight No. 1 songs thus far in her career.
AMERICAN IDOL SEASON 5
This eventual winner Taylor Hicks was inded totally'different'. Not only limited of his grey hairs, I found him 'stiff' with his movements. Sort of 'funny' to look at whenever he dance .... no way from the first time I watch the audition did it crossed my mind that he would in the end win the competition.
I had picked Chris Daughtry ( who looked every bit a winner!)
He however didn't even make it to the season finale after only coming in third place.
He and his band no doubt went on to sell millions of records in the United States.
They had two number 1 albums, a string of top 40 singles, and an American Music Award win.
In the end, more of a successful loser I would say.
Katharine McPee who made it to the final ( my vote HAD TO go to her once Chris was gone) is such a beautiful,beautiful woman..... plus the lovely vocal of course (remember her mom was her vocal coach).
Somehow I felt that it was really her beauty that got most of her votes to be in the final two ....and not because of the latter.
AMERICAN IDOL SEASON 6
This year's winner, American also got it right. I fell in love with Jordan Sparks the first time I saw this 16yrs old audition, although her voice ( my personal opinion) can't beat that of Melinda Doolittle's.
This 'humble' back up singer who Simon always said 'you don't know how good you are',managed only to get up to the final three.
She was my favourite choice but she oviously lack the 'pakage' to get the majority votes. Runner up Blake Lewis... I guess was satisfied with his placing knowing from the start that his 'beatboxing' can't beat Jordan's vocal .( this is a SINGING competiton afterall)
AMERICAN IDOL SEASON 7
.
This was the season which I followed weekly and never once missed. I love these three men David Cook, David Archuleta and Jason Castro.
The finale was between both the Davids which eventually sided to Mr Cook.
As much as I agree with that final decision, there's a part of me that wanted Archie to win. He is so young ,adorable and very very cute. I love him since I 'met' him on the first audition. Of course, he sings good too....very unic , recognizable vocal.
Tisha is crazy over him as well.... but I saw him first! so hands off..he's mine! hahaha
AMERICAL IDON SEASON 8
This is another season that I follow throughout.
The choice of the winner was very clear for me even from the start .
I had picked Adam Lambert and Danny Gokey to be in the finale.
Boy oh boy did America got this one wrong . Not only did they sent Danny home before the final duo, they dare to pick Kris as the winner over Adam. (imagine.. even Kris was suprise himself)
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh... that was SERIOUSLY a 'wrong' decission people!.
Everyone expected Adam to win ( I KNOW for sure!) because he was CLEARLY 'the one to beat'.
He 'delivered' every week in his very unic own way to every song assigned to him ...
Yes... he was openly 'different'..... with his eyeliner and all
BUT... damn he was sooooooooooooo good at what he's doing.
Again I would say...He should have won.....Adam should have won!.
(#$%^&* ..to those people who didn't vote this winner.)
On a Serious note.... . I was bias in picking Adam therefore had 'shut' the idea that Kris does have good vocal in his own way.
AMERICAN IDOL SEASON 9
In the latest season we saw Lee Dewyze taking the Idol title and Cystal Bowersox as runner up.
I would have been happy with anyone of them taking the winning spot as I have picked them much much earlier on the show and felt that both have what it takes to claim that title.
Oh wow... it's almost midnight and I just realised that I have been sitting here infront of this pc for more than five hours non stop commenting of past events that can't be change... a competition in a country where my votes and say don't matter......hehehe
Well...what is the big deal, I'm only saying what I felt.
I enjoyed watching these videos ..then and again now.
The 10th season is just starting. Let's see if I can pick a winner now....
It was almost nine oclock when the maid finally came.
I had done cleaning to the car's porch whicn the 'oldies' have been making their toilet for sometime now.
There was a litter box specially meant fot them there and the maid had even prepared it using sand that was meant for cementing ( yes...bought expensively specially for that) during these rainy days .
Still... they rather do their 'business' anywhere they pleases.
On a serious note, I must get a cage in the near future.
It's been raining on and off for the past days now and today was no difference. It was raining 'cats and dogs' throughout the day actually..... super heavy.
Real heavy so much so that my kitchen's roof start leaking....AGAIN! ( this is a yearly event during the rainy season with which I kept reminding myself to patch up once the sun is up again). For now, there's a big basin to catch the water droppings .
With this 'notices', I must be prepare for two more 'hot spots' in my room. One directly above my bed and one above the ironing board or else.......
Andrew came home from Tawau at half past one just as Lydia came home from school.
I had expected him last night as Jo had mentioned that he would be in a meeting at the Forestry this morning.
Yona had no classes today but went to school anyway for the 'pesta ang pow' celebration.
A very short celebration I suppose as she was back home just slightly after ten.
We were enjoying watching reruns of the new 10th American Idol auditions on Astro all afternoon but the weather was 'bad' throughout the show so it was 'sometimes there and sometimes not'.
I had initally thought that the girls would have bowling training tonight since MSSD was just round the corner but comfirmation with the coach says they were off till tomorrow's roll off.
With the astro's line down, we all ended up infront of the pc doing what we all love to.. ..online games, youtube :)
It was already nine when hunger finally struck Andrew . It was still raining....heavily at times and just the thought of getting out there really wasn't appealing. ..BUT hunger is 'serious' and so we did went out to Indah Jaya. Lydia wanted to come along but I said no, since her 'tons' of homework was not done.
We don't often meausure our lives in moments, but maybe, just maybe, we should.
I was asked the other day to discuss one defining moment in my life..
Hhmm.... thousand thoughts that goes through the mind .
Sometimes we tend to forget how precious life is.
Everything can change in an instant, sometimes in a small but powerful way, and sometimes drastically... , the decision to choose self-preservation over a life not destined for greatness, deciding to 'walk out' the door forever or turning around and knowing for sure it is there therefore you must stay.
The end of a life can really make your mind wander away from your normal 'path'.
Heartfelt pain... it was just yesterday that we met them... and today they're 'gone'.
Vanished from this earth..gone and never to return again. Gosh,..what a thought.
Someday when it's my call ...would someone remember and think of me this same way ?
I suppose..
Have you ever considered how differently your life might have turned out had you made even slightly different choices in those critical times? I am not one to dwell on these kinds and sorts of woulda, shoulda, coulda things, but I do believe that we are all actually constantly faced with transformational moments, only most often we go with the status quo and therefore don't recognize them as such.
I do know, however, with great certainty that there are moments suspended in time that have, indeed, changed who I am ... for better... for worse.....forever.
then again
It's a difficult question, and one I've been thinking about a lot lately.
I read something Tisha wrote today and it reminded me of the many things in my life that make me smile and sigh happy sighs.
In the big scheme of things, I suppose they are small... yet each one is truly impactful in my life.
I could never take myself too seriously for I have a sense of humor about everything. I can't imagine going through life without one.. To those that don't... my deepest sympathies.
I have said time and again that laughter is not only life's lovliest music, but also an amazingly powerful medicine upon which I have always rely heavily to get me through some of the tougher times I faced so far.
I'm hopeful that I would be a good example for my girls . Teaching them to be compassionate, service-minded and inspired while trying to 'live' their lives fulfilled and satisfied.
TO LIVE LIFE WITH PASSION.... TO SEE TO FEEL AND DO.
I'm keeping it simple ...'life is too short for the IFs and what might have been' plus 'we pass this road but once....'
blah blah blah.... etc etc...
And tonight again here I sit , wondering how it is possible to have been through so much, learned so many things, 'traveled' so far and yet still be in the same place as I was back then ....humble on so many levels.
Life is 'funny' .... but it is our attitude along life's 'journey' that teaches and mould us into a better person.
I'm only human... prone to many faults and mistakes..BUT...I am who I am
( I LOVE YOU TOO !)
I'm not sure if everyone has these kind of thoughts about themself... :D
Sooner or later we all discover that the important moments in life are not the advertised ones, not the birthdays, the graduations, the weddings, not the great goals achieved. The real milestones are less prepossessing. They come to the door of memory unannounced,
-'people' that amble in, bringing along the 'awakening touch' that simply makes you never want them to leave.
Our lives are measured by these....
I'm looking back, considering all the things I have never accomplished -- all the things I have yet to do!
At the same time, I'm looking at all the things I have done.
In the past year, since my last birthday, I have learned so much, and believed I have really grown in many ways with that.
I have travelled a little further, I've met a lot of special people... a few extra special ones as well.
I've grown a 'tougher skin' and gained a lot of self-confidence.
I have come to learn more of who I am and what I can do.
I've realized the possibilities in my life are almost endless, and I've picked up a lot of new challenges.
I look at the world in a positive way now.
I am ready to take on what comes along.
Life is looking good.
I know it won't always be easy, by any stretch of the imagination, but I also know I'm able to survive.
I will be okay...
And that is what life has taught me in my 40s. It is a much more comfortable place to be than in my 30s ( counseling myself ?). I can only wait to see what life brings next!
I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, fulfilling my passions for crafting and all the friends I want to see.
Yes, this weekend, I turned 48—a fairly uneventful birthday in the grander scheme, but the narcissistic forties seem to demand a hyperawareness of every passing year, all in relation to the dreaded 5-0: Party!!!…Okay, I’m nearly halfway to fifty…Hmm, I’m closer to fifty, and therefore ....death (?), than I was last year…Crap, I’m as 'old' as my mother when I last remember saying how 'old' she was … Gosh, I’m halfway through my late-forties, what have I done with my life?…Just breathe?, just breathe?, I’m touching the year that touches fifty....that is half of a century (100 - 50= 50)...noooooo!
After spending the years dutifully applying serums and antiwrinkle creams, my let’s-be-real-here-still-not-very-old age is finally beginning to show, and now is when I actually can start bristling at those eye crinkles and deepening forehead lines and slowly-but-surely 'flabbering' arms and legs not forgetting the buldging belly ( sigh* sigh* ) They’re no longer theoretical. THEY ARE HERE TO STAY!.
And yet, I feel 'comfortable' ( after few comparison ) I am 'cool' with being who I have become.
I do things now that would have been unthinkable when I was in my twenties .
I even have no worries going out without makeup or go braless instead of wearing a massively padded push-up( oops! cat out of the bag )
The older I get, the more I realize I couldn’t give a toss about winning approval from those around me.
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
I have applied this to my relationships, my life, and, yes now to beauty.
Sometimes we’ll stop ourselves from doing things out of fear; other times we’ll do things to advance ourselves in others’ eyes. damn it!—Be and look your best—’cause you’re awesome and you feel like showing it off, by your own standards, no one else’s! (eventhough everyone says I'm too 'thin' ???)
aaaahhhh...who cares..I love just the way I am.
It's my birthday, I can afford to be selfish today.
Haha...
Until a few years ago, I never thought I'd like this decade. How frightening, I thought. But I'm pretty much at peace with it. I'm feeling old, but it could be a lot worse!
11.1.11.. All the ones.
Looking back at the past year of my life, I'm thankful for so many things.
At each beginning of the year, I always like to recap although it doesn't really change much from year to year. Still, some bears repeating:
... my family especially my girls for they inspire me to bring forth myself as the best mom and friend I coul be.
They make me happy and hopeful each day, regardless of what else is going on in my kingdom.
I know I'm always loved and will always have them on my 'team'.
...for my few VERY VERY special friends whom can think with the same wave length as me, Whom have fulfilled my unthinkable whims along my life's journey. Whom were there through good and bad times.
They are really so much more than anyone could ask for. I only hope I'm half the friend to them as they are to me.
... my everyday 'tasks' because, despite the 'craziness' and fed-upness' (???) at times, I do what I love and therefore love what I do. It's such a gift to be passionate about doing 'stuffs' you love.
... for the many laughters, which I still see as not only good medicine but also life's loveliest music.
... for the days when my body cooperates and even the days when it doesn't;.. for it's in the days when it doesn't cooperate ( thankfully not that many) that I realize how very fortunate I am to have days when it does.
... for my sense of humor and also the ability to 'shut' and 'close' unnecessary 'worries'.
I can't imagine how much of a struggle my life would be without this gifts.
... for my insight, perspective and gut instinct; for when I think carefully about people and events and listen to my head and heart, I am thankful for the gift of clarity.
...for the things that make my house a home, the things which can be neither bought nor sold, the invaluable sentimentals attachments ( junks to some)
..for my puppies, kittens, and all the other little pets that can always make me smile big smiles.
For in these little bundles ( minus 'tons' of their daily poops!) are so much hidden joys.
There are still so very much more to be thankful for BUT .....I will only recap them on next year's list.
For now I am much thankful that I am still breathing to be able to face abother new year.
If only life would have been a book written with pencil and we could go back to chapters and erase things.
If only life would have been a mathematical problem and we could change variables and values and get a totally different result.
If only life would have been a word document and we could have done Ctlr-Z and typed new text.
If only life would have been a road with U-Turns and we could just go back and take a different road.
But, this is just not possible, because life seems to be story written on stone.
A road that just allows us to move ahead without any U-turns.
And what all we get in life is based on decisions we take, choices we make or is it the option we left behind while taking a decision.
“In life, fate doesn’t depend on the choices we make, but the options we leave behind.”
Well, I read about some random things that make me happy.
One of them is “Listening to my favourite song”.
And I find this one so true.
There are few songs which when played on a day, when I am in not-so-good mood, really bring back memories and smiles to my face.
I love Shania.....and this is one of my all time favourite from her."Forever And For Always"
When she said.....
In your arms I can still feel the way you
want me when you hold me
I can still hear the words you whispered
when you told me
I can stay right here forever in your arms
And there ain't no way--
I'm lettin' you go now
And there ain't no way--
and there ain't no how
I'll never see that day....
[Chorus:]
'Cause I'm keeping you
forever and for always
We will be together all of our days
Wanna wake up every
morning to your sweet face--always
Mmmm, baby
In your heart--I can still hear
a beat for every time you kiss me
And when we're apart,
I know how much you miss me
I can feel your love for me in your heart
And there ain't no way--
I'm lettin' you go now
And there ain't now way--
and there ain't no how
I'll never see that day....
[Repeat Chorus]
(I wanna wake up every morning)
In your eyes--(I can still see
the look of the one) I can still see
the look of the one who really loves me
(I can still feel the way that you want)
The one who wouldn't put anything
else in the world above me
(I can still see love for me) I can
still see love for me in your eyes
(I still see the love)
And there ain't no way--
I'm lettin' you go now
And there ain't no way--
and there ain't no how
I'll never see that day....
[Repeat Chorus (2x)]
I'm keeping you forever and for always
I'm in your arms
You could blow your hair to add more volume to it, you could cloak the imperfections on your face with a bit of foundation, or you could register yourself into a 21-days-diet to shed off those flabs. But you're still you. I'm still me
Most people can talk, talk so brilliantly that people even can bow to them. Some can sing their hearts out, burst with such outstanding melody that you can't just help but have goosebumps.
Few can actually think with great precision and are just simply....though sometimes annoyingly smart.
You need not have to say anything........what is meat to be will be.
As I searched for Quote of the Day, the one that stood out would have been this,
"To be alone is to be different, to be different is to be alone,"- Suzanne Gordon.
I have been moping around the house due to 'don't know' what reasons for days.
Maybe it' has to do a lot with the current weather .
The forcast said that the whole week would welcome heavy rain. So far they have been right too. It had been raining heavily throughtout this whole week.
Monday would promise a better week ahead hopefully.
True enough...the TM guy came to repair what needed to with streamyx... thou up to this point it is still rosak.
What wonders service you'll get once you know which 'cable' to pull.
( Leave it to me, it'll be rosak ' forever'.)
Jo called to go out for breakfast . I said yes and we opt for Shamrock Cafe at Tmn Indah .
.
She had wanted to get the....at BSN for Sheryl's application to college.
With no parking around this banking area, I was to be the lookout person while she does her stuff.
Would have to wait for a hell lot longer if Ruth was not there doing the same thing.
Jo asked for her help since she was already in the waiting que.
Ah..with that we proceed with breakfast .
I had infact a plate of fried rice back home for breakfast much earlier on .
I had gone more for the friendship sake than the food. Suprisingly though I did ordered and finished a bowl of beef noodles soup
It was just about an hour break and I was home again doing what I normally do at that time....i.e. napping.
My tummy was 'full' so the mood to cook was gone. Furthermore there were still more of this morning's fried rice.
Ahhhh...... nap nap nap... other than watching my favourite series on astro which I normally would not have been able to if Streamyx was ok ( ...or the celcom broadband was here!)
Bowling night. I messaged Jo if she would be coming but was told that the coach have not give the green light for her boys.
Hhmm.. there goes my bowling . It has been months since I last bowled and was counting to do so tonight.
The thought of playing by myself won't be much fun, so I didn't.
Damn sleepy by the time I got home and wasted no time getting to bed.
...really really 'lost' to the world.
Heavy rain on a suday should have been spent tucked in sleeping late.
Unfortunately today, I had made a 'date' to walk the sunday and 2nd hand market in town.
Something I have not done for a long...long time.
Nothing I'm regretting about actually because it turned out to be time wonderfully spent...regardless the HEAVY (means real heavy) rain.
We went down town early so parking was not much of a problem .
Jo actually called to ask about our tickets but we ended up talking about other things.
She was missing badly part of the 'bridge' that we have between us. awee... how sweet. She is still my bestest friend (...????)
Lately we have both been busy with our own activities that most of our get togethers have been put aside to give way. Usual situation during the year end holidays where families get priority.
Now with the husbands away and the kids at school, we were missing each other company.
Good that we had scheduled a trip abroad months ahead. This is something we do to pamper ourselves .
Getting a holiday away from 'ourselves' so to say.
It rained throughout the day ....
napping on the couch while watching CSI series....typical ordinary sunday activity
It is never a wonder that most people with negative energy try to bring others down with them.
They failed to remember that no one who has ever inspired greatness has done so through negativity.
Why do anyone not aspire to 'build' people up instead of tearing them down?
What is there to gain from all these accusations and speculations ?
Sometimes people fail to 'read' the goodness in what others have to offer therefore fail to appreciate the many blessings brought forth by them.
These are the individuals who failed the conviction of standing up and saying positive remarks .
These are them who do not understand that fair does not mean equal, them who feel slighted by the hand they are dealing with and therefore miserably failed to enjoy their own share of 'blessings'
They should remember Stephen Covey's quote :
"While we are free to choose our actions, we are not free to choose the chonsequences of our actions"
They WILL undoubtly be responsible for their 'actions'.
Why must the impression of negativity be when it could be all positive after all?.
Again I would say ...one should never 'judge' when one does not know what is there to 'judge' about.
First monday of the new year....yea it's still my 'off' day even with the 'tons' of stuff around the house that needs doing brought forth from last year.
Andrew was still around therefore another good 'excuse' for me not to do much. Everyone at home knows how I can't ( won't is actually a much better word) do housework when there are people around the house.
Iam really more effective without anyone watching me work.( ...excuses excuses...)
A gloomy day for a start which continued towards my feelings..... it actually rained throughtout the whole day.
The gloom of the day was 'brushed' aside with short naps and doing 'this and that'. But the gloom in my heart stayed .
We had breakfact at the airport....Nasi Lemak with a huge cup of milo
Tisha went back to college today :( I was missing her already even before she left.
Now I know why I must not laugh at my mom for crying each time my sisters went back to their home overseas. I guess it really takes a mother to know these feelings.
Today was also the first day of school for the other two girls.
Other than back to waking up at five in the moring...everything was still routine to me. ( I got an extended one and a half hours sleep during school breaks)
There are many goals which I plan to pursue and implement in my life this coming year which I'm sure will improve the quality of my life yet none of these matter as much as something that I realized today.
It was a realization that struck deeper than all of my previously set goals for the new year. An idea that hit the root chord of everything in my life... and it is a decision which will affects each and everyone that's dear to me . Just watch and see...
My dreams used to be much simpler. You know, something like getting a degree, work, buying a house, getting married to a rich good looking guys, have beautiful kids...
..live happily ever after.
Then something happened and took all these fantasies away and left me with an entirely different perspective in life.
I don't know what exactly happened though because literally, nothing really happens, for there were not a particular event taking place.
Nothing.
This is the best description that I could came out with for the sake of putting it in the form of literacy.
.. is it probably I just 'grew up'?
I would say that a surge of consciousness took place that make me an entirely different person, with no turning back.
Of course, I am still me when you see me in person, but if you do gaze deep enough, you could see a mist of wandering thoughts and a sea of confusion in the pursuit of self-finding in this lost world of mine.
Yes I do believe that we can achieve whatever we want to when we put our minds to it but, I don't think we can ever control our state of minds.. which is something that evolves with I don't know....
time?
Understanding?
I don't know.
